1. I taken to drawing cartoon elephants to keep my awake during classes. Because it's me and not some normal person, these elephants have started getting snarky thought bubbles. Usually it's something funny teacher has said (like 'You can't even DO that with sugar), or some comment about the horribly named fake companies in our examples. One of the ones on the latest test was 'Tubby's'. What does Tubby's sell? Well, I'm not actually sure, probably widgets. Widgets is one of the most fun things to say ever. They could also sell baby bathtubs, which the same might work for. Possible normal tubs (now you're sounding stupid), or maybe a dating site for overweight people? I feel like that's highly offensive and someone is going to get sat on.
2. It's finally gotten cold enough that most of the species of Teengirlious Pantslessious have gone into hibernation. Seriously people for the good of everyone's retinas, just wear pants. Or a skirt, even a romper would be fine. Just stay away from bathing suits (outside of an area of water), leotards (if you are not dancing), leggings (by themselves), tights, hose, granny panties, etc. Just don't do it.
3. Salad Fluffers. My school was extremely yummy salad bars, I get that for lunch almost everyday because I have an obsession with good ranch dressing. There are certain people who work there, the salad fluffers, that bother me to no end. I have never seen them clean up a spill, or replace and empty container. All they do is stand in the corner, wait into I need to get to something and then stand in my way and fluff it. Stop fluffing the ham, it's fine. You got it from being one pile of ham to another pile of ham. It doesn't look any better, and frankly college students don't care that much. The ham is right next to the ranch and if you get in the way of my ranch I will end you.
I feel like this isn't as funny as normally, but I've been sick. Funny is the second thing that leaves me when I'm sick. Sarcasm however, you will have to pry that from my cold dead hands.