Thursday, October 27, 2011

Things About Buses

Story A: Imagine you are a guy in your 30's (probably), slightly creepy looking, sitting on a bus. Sitting next to you is a college age girl. What do you do?

A) Leave her alone because I don't know her and she seems very involved in the book she's reading.
B) Try to talk to her.
C) Creep her the fuck out by trying to talk to her without making complete eye contract so she doesn't know if you are actually talking to her or not. You will make her feel like a jerk for not responding, even though she still isn't sure if you are talking to her, and like she wishes she had a can of pepper spray.

Frankly, don't be a creeper on the bus. The MORE YOU KNOW!

Story B: On our buses, like most buses, they have ads on the section above your head. I noticed one on my way to the library the other day that gave me pause. It was for Birthright and talked about free pregnancy tests. All well and good, that's normal for things on the bus. What was not normally was the picture of a girl that was also on the ad. Instead of a young girl looking worried and confused about maybe being pregnant they had something horrifying. A girl with angry eyes, with her hair in her face, and half in shadow. Her dress looked like it was made from bandages.

What exactly is that part of the ad supposed to be telling me?

A) Has your husband sold your vagina to the devil? If so, you might be pregnant with demon spawn. Come to us, we can help. Holy Water is standing by.

B) Babies turn you into a uber bitch.

C) Come see if you're pregnant with us and we'll give you a free 'girl from the Grudge' just for showing up! Free gift might cause nightmares and death.


Tuesday, October 25, 2011

In which I yell at fruit.

Damn it clementine! The whole point of you is that you are easy to peel. I have no nails and you're supposed to be fine with that. You're supposed to just roll over and let me peel you. What is the use of you? Without an easy peel you are just a pain in my ass tangerine. Do you want that, fruit? Do you want to be a tangerine?

That's what I thought.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

First Day of Random

I decided to start a blog because I am normally full of the most random thoughts ever. These thoughts tend to sit in my head and never leave until I tell someone. Telling the internet is kinda like telling someone.

Sadly, now that I've started this I can't think of any random thoughts. The internet is messing with me.